It's been far too long.

  It's been way too long since I've last blogged. It's such a great outlet and lets me relieve some stress. I do have a few on draft, but I'm being a perfectionist and can't quite seem to finish them. I had quite a few days to think about what to blog about this time around. I was horribly sick with a kidney infection so I was in bed for days feeling like I was going to die! Craig- my wonderful husband, helped out so much! I'm so lucky to have him as my husband. I don't think either him or Chester minded that I was resting up those few days because they had a great chance to bond.

  So while I was in bed I realized that so many people just want to put Chester in front of the television to keep him quiet. He's recently learned how to crawl and stand up so he's quite mobile. Could you imagine being strapped in a chair and watch the same thing three times over? That's almost four hours of the same movie back to back to back. I would rather shove a fork in my eye. Now I don't mind Chester having a little television time because he does enjoy some Yo Gabba Gabba and Lion King. However, I don't want him sitting in front of the television for hours upon hours when he could be crawling around learning. We like to take walks and that lets him see the outside world and soak it in.

  Now I understand that not everyone can calm Chester the way we (his parents) can. Sometimes he just wants a hug from Mommy or Daddy or snuggles. Once a week we go out on a date night and he goes to see his grandmother, I send Lion King with him because I know if he gets extremely fussy and refuses to eat, it will calm him down. I have no issues there, I make sure he doesn't get any other television time on those days so he's not overloaded. It just amazes me at how many people use television to calm children down like pacifiers are used. I don't want Chester to be one of those children who depend on something to calm him down like that. I like that he can find other ways to calm down, even if it is to nurse, snuggle or just be held by whomever. It also bothers me when people try to force him to have something he obviously doesn't want. For instance, he hasn't had a pacifier since I stopped working back in January. For a short time he would use one when I went back to work because he would not eat or sleep while I was away. Turns out he just didn't want anything except Mommy to nurse him back to sleep, which is how it is now.

  I guess what I'm getting at is that people need to respect the wishes of the parents. If we say Chester doesn't get a certain amount of television time, don't stick him in front of the Lion King three straight times. If we say Chester doesn't get a pacifier, certain foods or drinks by certain ages, just don't do it. Respect the boundaries we have set up for our son because we are his parents and that's how we want things done.

  Now to move to something lighter. Chester will be ONE in November. I couldn't be more terrified and more excited at the same time. I'm terrified because that means he's getting bigger and older and will be exploring more and becoming more independent. I do welcome that independence though, because I want him to learn as much as possible so he can be as bright as possible. I still can't believe almost one year ago, I was blessed with the most amazing gift. I can't express the great feelings we had when we found out we were having a boy. It brings so many thoughts to my mind, but that's for another post entirely.

  So a few minor updates before ending the night. Recently we got a new carrier, because I love baby wearing! We went with an Ergo, as recommended by a friend of mine. She was right, once you go Ergo, you never go back. We absolutely adore our Ergo carrier. We've tried a couple carriers out already, including the Moby. I can tell you by far, the Ergo wins hands down. Be watching for a post about that, I'll be reviewing and comparing the two. We've been getting a few new cloth diapers here and there, so be prepared for a review on the ones we currently have and any I will be looking forward to trying. We are currently bed-sharing and love it. Mom, Dad, Chester and two chihuahuas, we have a full bed. Chester has teeth! He has four, and counting. When Chester does something, he goes for gold. He started crawling and in the matter of just a few days he started standing and pulling himself up on furniture. The other day he stood alone for just a few seconds. I'm going to be so busy with my little man, but I'm going to make sure I stay on top of my blog. I've missed blogging terribly and I'm excited to be back at it.

Let the cloth diapering begin!

  You know that "oh my gosh" moment you have, that moment you realize you have a brilliant idea that you can't believe you didn't think of it sooner. Well that's how it was with me and cloth diapering. So I've been constantly looking into it, trying to figure out where to begin. Some days I would be excited to try to start up, and other days, I didn't really feel like doing it. I figured I would just stay with the disposable diapers and leave it at that. I asked several people about it, and looked at the different styles and kinds of diapers out there.
  My Mom said she tried cloth diapering my sister (her oldest child) but ultimately chose to use disposable diapers instead. I'm sure my Husband got sick of hearing me talk about cloth diapers and how I was so interested in trying it. I can't tell you how long I bugged him about trying them. I think the real kicker was telling him how much money we would end up saving after we initially got our stash of cloth diapers built up. The only problem is cloth diapering can be overwhelming to anyone who is new to it, and it's a bit pricey starting a stash up. So my advice for anyone starting out, don't fret, there's always someone willing to help you. Luckily we have a local store that sells cloth diapers.
  So the only problem we had was finding affordable cloth diapers to get started. I had been talking with my sister-in-law about cloth diapering because she asked me about it. I had been talking so long about doing it, and she asked for information and if we had started. At that point I sadly, had not started using them yet because we were in the process of figuring out which ones we wanted to use. I wasn't able to get out to our local cloth diapering store yet. So I sent her what information I had, and she sent me different information she had been finding. So one day, she sent me a message telling me about a local organization who helps low income families in their journey into cloth diapering. WIC is constantly sharing different things with their families about things that will possibly help them. I went to a breastfeeding support group one day, and had a good time. So WIC definitely looks out for their families.
  So I sent in an application to see if we would be accepted into their program. A few days later I received an email that they wanted to set up an appointment with us. I was thrilled that we'd be able to cloth diaper and save some money in the process. I'm so thankful that there are organizations out there like WIC and Heiny Helpers. While I was extremely excited for this appointment, I was a bit bummed how far away the appointment was. I read on Facebook about a sale on cloth diapers at our local store, The Green Nursery. So Sunday, April 22, 2012 I went into the store and was amazed to see all sorts of diapers. I thought this trip was going to be simple. Drive there (which took me some time to find), pick up a diaper and leave. It was NOT that simple. A woman came out and explained all the different kinds of diapers. I won't get into all of them, because I don't know very much about every single one.
  After hearing everything she had to say about all the different diapers, it was an easy choice for me. I picked the Flip diaper. What this is, is a shell that has two flaps, one at each end. You stick an insert in, and snap it up and you're done. When it's time to change, you pull it out and replace it with a new one. I figured this would be easiest to start out with, and it was the cheaper option to start out with. So I purchased a shell and a box of three inserts. I couldn't wait to get home and slap that sucker on Chester's bottom. I should mention, I picked a lime green shell, because greens my favorite color.
  I arrived home, got the diaper put together and on Chester's bottom. Already I loved it. He looked cute as all get out, and I was just so excited to actually be doing what I had wanted to do since I could remember.
                                                  So here he is in his lime green cloth diaper:

Now, I haven't taken pictures of the process of doing it yet, because I was just super excited to get it on him, so I'll be doing that for the next cloth diaper blog. I did was his liners this evening though, and here is a picture of those:

Basically, they look like huge maxi pads. They're so simple to wash, and they so soft on his bottom.


  Now, cloth diapers take special laundry detergent or you'll have problems with leaking. I used some of what I received at the baby fair. I decided not to use the wash machine, because I didn't want to run it for 3 liners and waste a ton of water. I used a bit of water in the tub, added the liners and detergent, drained the water, rinsed the liners and soaked them in clean water. Then I made sure to ring them out very well and laid them out to dry. I'm very excited to get more into cloth diapering. I want to try out different kinds. I love the one I have now, but I feel different kinds would be good for different occasions. Also, I wanted to add that I went on a search for liners, some that wouldn't cost me an arm and a leg, and found that Walmart sells a pack of ten Gerber pre-folds for about $14. I spent about that much on the pack of three. Now I know that money was well spent because the three liners are AMAZING, but I'm glad to see that I can buy the pack of ten.


  I'm so excited to be cloth diapering. I've wanted this for so long now, and now that Craig is on board with the the whole thing, it makes it all the more exciting for me. This is just the beginning of the research I'm going to be doing and trial and error, finding which type of cloth diaper we like best. I haven't even ventured into the idea of cloth wipes, I'd like to take this one day at a time. So for now, that's a shell and three liners. After our HH appointment, I'm sure it will open my eyes to tons of different possibilities.


  I'll be sharing all the details about my journey and the obstacles and fun we have along the way with this. I'm stoked to share this with anyone who reads. 

A trip to the past.

So far all my blogs have been about Chester, and  being a Mom. As much as I love Chester, being a Mom and a wife, that's not all I am. I'm my own person, and have my own likes and interests. I've been thinking about what I should blog about next, and mostly it's been parenting things. Things like, cloth diapering, circumcision, a blog all about being a Mommy, and so on. While I love all of those things, and want to share my thoughts, I've decided my first post back after being away for so long should be one all about me. While that sounds kind of self-centered, I want people to know there's more to me than just being a Mom and Wife. I started an "I'm back" sort of blog already, but never got it finished. Who knows if I ever will. Anyway, so thinking about what to write, I've decided to go back to the beginning. I feel like sharing about childhood and my fondest memories. This will be a great trip down memory lane for me, and will make my family smile.


  So lets see, I was born December 1989 in Frankfurt Germany. My Mom told me she was in labor with me for 24 hours. God help her! We lived in Germany because my Dad was in the Air Force, and we moved to Indiana when I was 3 years old. I don't remember anything about Germany, and it would be nice to go back one day so I could see exactly where I'm from. I had a pretty great childhood. I had two wonderful parents, who weren't perfect, but did the best with what they had. Growing up, they were pretty perfect from where I sat, though. They worked hard for us, and made sure we had everything we needed.
  I remember growing up the the most beautiful gardens. One giant food garden, and a few flower gardens. The only part I hated, was when we had to go out and pick green beans. Not only did we have to go pick them, but we had to clean them, and cut the ends off so my parents could "can" them. The children in our family always loved to go to the garden and pick the fresh fruits and veggies and sit out in the garden while eating them. One day, I remember the four oldest of us walked through deciding what to eat. We picked up a cantaloupe, some strawberries, and some tomatoes. The things we picked from the garden were always so fresh and delicious. The strawberries hardly ever made it to the house. Thinking back to that garden makes me want one of my own once we get out of this apartment and into a house. I would love for Chester to have that in his childhood since it's one of my favorite memories.
  The flower gardens also were a great part of my childhood. It was always such a great, calming feeling walking out the back door to a beautiful garden full of flowers. It was like a scene from a movie. The sun shining, birds chirping, walking out to the warmth from the sun on your skin, and seeing different kinds of flowers surrounding you. I know, I know. It sounds really lame, or even made up, but I loved it. I'm a girl, so I'm a sucker for some beautiful gardening. I always loves picking small bouquets of flowers for my Mom, but hated that they would wilt away and die. They always lasted longer outside and we could enjoy them more. Especially since they usually attracted some kind of bugs or flies as soon as they started dying.
  We lived in a 3 bedroom 2 bathroom house, it was my parents and 5 kids. Things got pretty crazy at times, but it was life. I miss that house. I miss the memories. Everything was so easy then. Do your chores, then go outside to play. It's crazy how different things are now, you tend not to enjoy those kinds of things once you get to a certain age. I want Chester to enjoy those things like I did, for as long as possible.
  Sometimes thinking back to my childhood is sad, sad because it's over and it seems like it was so long ago. Thinking back to Christmastime in that house, all of us kids surrounding the Christmas tree, excited to see what "Santa" brought us. Thinking back to summertime, the doors and windows all open so we could let the summer breeze in. I just hope to create a childhood Chester can look back on with pride and joy and want to pass those things along to his children.
  
  I'm thinking about all the pets we had there. You could say it was like we were a home for all the strays. We always wanted to keep animals that were wandering the neighborhood, and typically we did. We would either convince my Mother, or feed the thing so it knew to stay. We had heartbreak, and love, anger and happiness, and we all had each other. Even though we all went our separate ways, and my parents divorces, those were some of the best times of my life.
  Riding around on our bikes in circles around the house and driveway acting like we were NASCAR drivers, because that's the one sport we always watched as a family. Playing in the yard and on the play set, playing- don't touch the grass because it's lava. Climbing in the trees, and picking out "our" specific trees, or climbing in the garage because dinosaurs were going to eat us and the safest place was up in the rafters where we believe they couldn't reach us. Playing Super Mario with my Mom, or when I got stung by a bee and ran in front of the television and made her lose. [I wish my sister was awake to share some of her thoughts on this.] On snowy days when we would take our sleds across the street to the church to go sledding, then coming home to hot chocolate Mom made. Taking the baseball and bat up to the ball diamond to play a few games while waiting for dinner. Sitting upstairs with Rachel in the "small bedroom" playing a game of BS singing some Britney Spears (quietly so our parents didn't hear us) while it was storming. Having to sleep in the hallway (which we thought was so awesome) because IU lost an important game, and because not too long before that us girls had a rock thrown through our window.
These are all tons of memories that I miss about being there, being around my giant family. Even though we didn't always get along, I appreciate all the time we shared.


  I'm sure I'll be adding to this one, whether it's in future blogs, or just returning here to jot down a good memory I forgot to include. I'll always come back here to remember these things and smile. I just wish I had pictures handy to share. Growing up then, was so much different than kids growing up now. I hope I never lose sight of that, and am able to recreate some of those things for my children. I know they would love it just like I did.


I will add though, I never thought I'd be where I am today. You know something though, I wouldn't trade any of this or my past for the world.

Everything in life is multiplied by 100 when you're a parent.

The first thing to come to my mind is a scene from Family Guy. The scene where Brian is with Peter and the guys at the Drunken Clam, and they're watching on the news, a plane crashing into a school. Brian goes crazy screaming, now that I'm a father I just can't imagine, what if that were my son. [I'd upload the video, but I can't find it.] He just gets really annoying saying it over and over. This is not how I react to things now, at least I hope. I will say, however, that things are multiplied by 100. Not just the scary things, but the good things as well.

  Tonight [Friday, March 23, 2012] was our usual "Date Night". We ran a few errands with Chester, then took him to my Mom's after we ate, so she could watch him. We always enjoy getting out for a bit, just the two of us. Usually it's dinner and a movie, but since we had already eaten, it was just the movie and grocery shopping afterwards. Craig was particularly excited because we were finally going to see 21 Jump Street. I was just happy to be getting out, just the two of us. When we headed to the movie theater, the weather was just fine. There were some puffy clouds, but nothing showed signs of the weather turning into something bad. About 25 or so minutes [not counting credits] into the movie, my Mom and sister were texting me telling me we had a tornado warning out. At first it was for the next three minutes. Then my Mom send me another message saying it was out for 20 minutes. I wasn't too concerned since we get them often, so I just tried enjoying the movie. Next thing we know, the movie shut off and the lights came on. I figured it was because of the storm, but I didn't know what was about to happen. Craig went out to see what was going on, and a few other people went out as well. One guy came back in and said they were moving everyone into the inner theaters because there was a tornado warning.

  Panicked, I gathered my things and went to find my husband. By this time, the situation was starting to hit me. There was a real warning, and a tornado was an obvious threat at this point. Once finding my husband, we went into one of the inner theaters. After being there for only a minute or two, I started getting extremely nervous because I couldn't get any service on my phone. We decided to go into the lobby of the theater so Craig could use the restroom, and I could get my Mother on the phone to see what was going on. Nobody at the theater would tell us anything about the weather, they just insisted we move into the inner theaters. So finally I got my sister on the phone and she told me everything was fine, but they spotted a tornado about 15 minutes away. This didn't help my panicked state. In fact, it probably made it worse. I thought a tornado would hit the theater, and I would never see my baby boy again. She assured me they were alright, and that the weather was fine by my Mom's house. That was a surprise because it was pouring rain at the movie theater.

  We decided to move back into the hall, but stay close enough to a door so we could get service on our phones in case things got worse. Every time we were close to a door, an employee asked us to move away. Almost in tears, I refused to go back where my phone wouldn't work. The husband calmly explained we had a 4 month old who was out in the weather. [Not actually out and about, but at my Mom's.] So they were understanding and let us be. Eventually we headed back into one of the inner theaters, because they were making everyone move. This told me that things were getting more serious.

  After some time of sitting and waiting, a woman came in, telling us the warning was going to be lifted soon. She told us to have our ticket stubs ready so they could get everyone back to the correct theater. A few minutes later the rain picked up, and sounded even worse than before. Then it started getting quiet, which is a bad sign when it comes to tornadoes. After just a few moments, we decided to go back out to the lobby so I could attempt a call to my sister again. Once I got her on the phone, she informed me they were still doing fine, but that it was hailing. At this point I just felt sick to my stomach. I wanted to race to my Mom's house to protect my baby boy. I just wanted to be with him every second of the storm, even though I knew he was being taken perfectly good care of, and they wouldn't let anything happen to him. Finally, after watching the weather channel for a bit, my sister assured me the storms were moving [Northeast] up and over. [Lol] I convinced myself it would be alright to stay and finish the movie, then go pick him up.

  So we attempted to go back into the theater, but the screen was still off and the lights, still on. We went to find an employee to see if they were going to turn the movies back on anytime soon. They informed us that they wouldn't be back on until the next showing. This really got on our nerves. Why would they make us wait hours to see a movie we already paid for. We didn't have that kind of time. They told us we could get our money back and see our movie at another time. This really made Craig angry, because he had waited all week to see this movie. We both thought the first [only part we got to see] 30 minutes of the movie were hilarious. We decided to just go to my Mom's and pick Chester up and go home. The movie could wait until tomorrow, as long as we weren't stuck in that dang theater any longer. Especially if the weather was still going to be bad, we wanted to be with our son. As soon as we arrived at my Mom's house, I rushed to my little baby and hugged and kissed him. I was a wonderful feeling, seeing him safe and sound.

  Maybe things like this will get easier, the longer I'm a Mother. I don't have high hopes for that, especially being a first time mother. Everything is multiplied by 100, especially the love and happiness he brings.

-Katie 

Trip to the zoo, and breastfeeding in public.

  So yesterday, Tuesday, March 20, 2012 [I realize this is "technically" written on Thursday, but it's still Wednesday to me until I fall asleep.] we went to the zoo. I was so excited to get Chester out of the apartment and out into the world. The park just wasn't cutting it for me anymore. We got up, got gas in the car, went to the bank, grabbed a quick bite to eat, got the oil changed, and we were finally on our way. It was only a little more than an hour drive, which I was patient enough for. Chester was a good baby and slept the entire way there, so that was another plus. He had nursed before we left, so he would be fine for 3-5 hours. He has is own schedule of when he eats, so I follow his lead. It was such a nice day! Not too hot, just perfect. I was excited to see the giraffes, since they're my favorite animal. They're such gorgeous creatures. I can't get enough of them. We started off at the "Oceans" area because that was the first as you entered the zoo. We saw the coolest, and cutest sea horses! We didn't go to the dolphin show, however. It's pretty much the same every time, and we really didn't have time to waste. Not that I don't like dolphins, because I do. I just wanted to make sure there was enough time for me to have extra when it came to the giraffes. Already, it was snack time. We stopped at the cafe for a hot dog and continued to the "forests" area, they only had one bear in the exhibit, which made me sad. He must have been lonely, sitting there all day by himself. My husband decided it would be best to go from the indoor exhibits to the outdoor, since we had Chester with us, and we could cool off after being out in the sun. Next was the "deserts" and of course the snakes were in there. Have I mentioned, I HATE SNAKES? Well I do, they're gross and creepy.


  After that, we noticed on the map there was a "Nursing Moms nest" and this sparked our interest, because we figured once Chester got hungry, this would be the perfect place to go. We searched for it, with no luck finding it, so we asked an employee who was running the nearby carousel. Here's how the conversation went [as best as I can remember]; "Hi, I was wondering where your breastfeeding area was." "It's going to be right behind us, but it's not finished yet. All we have right now are the bathrooms." WAIT! What did she just say? I was furious. I turned around and walked away mumbling about how I REFUSE to feed my baby in the bathroom. It's not like I sit with my boob hanging out for the world to see. I shouldn't have to hide in the bathroom. I mean, I wouldn't eat my lunch in the bathroom, and I feel it's the same exact thing. Asking a mother to nurse her child in the bathroom is just wrong. To credit her, she might have thought I was looking for a private place where I could be alone. If that's what she had meant, she should have said it as such; "If you're looking for some place private, we have the bathrooms. If you don't mind nursing out in the open, feel free to do so, wherever." The way she said it implied I should go nurse in the bathroom. I'm not asking for special treatment as a nursing mother, just fair treatment. Formula fed babies can eat wherever they so choose, what's the difference? Before you jump on my case saying the difference is, the mother doesn't have to expose herself, I don't expose myself either. I've found a genius way to show pretty much no skin. I wear a thin tank top with a bigger one over. I open up my nursing bra, pull the tank top underneath down, and pull the other one up a bit. Once he's latched on, I pull the outer tank top down and around so nothing shows.


  I've struggled with breastfeeding from the beginning. I wanted to give up more than anything, I wanted to take the less painful way out. I stuck to my guns, and am proud to still be breastfeeding. I also struggled with breastfeeding in public. With the wrong company, I still do. I shouldn't have to feel ashamed to nurse my baby in public. It's wrong of society to make me feel this way. I wish other people who are with me, wouldn't get embarrassed if I sit down and nurse right where I am. You can't really compare this to other things that are "natural" either. Just because peeing is "natural" it's not the same as nursing. Nursing a baby is how that baby survives. It's not a mother trying to "make a statement" or see how much she can get away with. It's a mother doing what she's supposed to do. Giving her child their next meal, and make sure they get it when they need/want it. After that encounter, I was ready to move on, look at the rest of the animals with my family, and go. I wasn't having a bad time, I was just not looking for anymore human interaction. 


  Finally, the time had come to go to the "plains" exhibit! I couldn't be more excited, and by that time I had forgotten all about the woman.  I tried to calm myself and enjoy the other animals, and take my time. When we reached the giraffes, I'm sure my eyes lit up like a dog in a doggy toy store. We spent what seemed like forever at the giraffes. Some crazy women were there trying to coax them over towards us, but they didn't care much for their craziness. After the women moved out of my way I snapped more than enough pictures. We got a few of me and Chester in front of them, and a kind woman took one of all three of us. The giraffes moved a little closer than before too, so I snapped even more pictures. We went through the rest of the "plains" taking pictures, laughing, and having a good time.


  It was almost closing time for the zoo. So we were rushing back so we could hit up the gift store and leave. By this time Chester was getting hungry and there was no place to really rest and feed him. So we quickly got what we wanted from the gift shop and headed to the car. We put all of our belonging away, and sat in the AC for a while so all of us could cool down. Every time Chester latches on, he begins to sweat, and that's just sitting inside with our AC on. I had to give him a chance to cool down before he got too hot. So we're waiting for the car to get nice and icy cool. On both sides of our car, there were two vans belonging to the same people. They were having their snack, and loading up. I noticed towards the left front of our car, one young man just staring into our car. It was extremely awkward because I was about to start nursing, and it's uncomfortable for me if people just stand and stare.I'm not quite sure what's so fascinating about a woman feeding her child. I suppose since society has made breasts to be sex symbols, that's what most people these days see it as. When they see a woman breastfeeding, they don't see her nurturing her young, giving him life. They see a woman with a baby on her boob. This really disgusts me, and it doesn't "come with the territory" either. We aren't asking people to stare at us like freaks because we're breastfeeding. We chose the healthiest, greatest option to nurture our babies, and people should respect that.


  I want to leave people with the mindset, that next time you see a woman breastfeeding her child; don't stop and stare, don't give her dirty looks, and DO NOT ask her to go elsewhere to feed her child. You wouldn't want to get up and move in the middle of your meal, don't ask a poor innocent child to either.

-Katie

The truck that started it all.

So after yesterday's events, it kind of inspired me to start a blog. Just kind of a fun way to share things that go on in my life with friends, family, and those who need a good laugh, or cry in some cases. I used to write in high school, so I'm hoping this will get me back to it. Before I go into what happened yesterday, I want to write a brief bio about me.

I'm Katie Fender, 22. I'm married [Dec. 2009] to Craig. We have a beautiful bouncing baby boy, Chester. We also have to chihuahuas, Dora and Diego. Yes, go ahead and laugh at the names. Dora was a Christmas present and Diego, well, he was too cute to NOT take home. I've always known what I wanted, and usually how to go about getting it. We plan out everything we decide. Our wedding, though we had a short time to get it done, had lots of planning done. Deciding to get pregnant, that was one thing we discussed, and decided the perfect time-frame to start trying. We had our baby boy, November 2011. As my friends and family [should] know, I'm very against RIC. [routine infant circumcision] It's barbaric and it's mutilating a perfectly healthy baby boy. I won't get too much into that right now, however. Not because I don't want to talk about it, because I do. I just want to save that for another post. I can't think of too much else to say about myself. I really don't like to talk too much about myself anyway, I don't want people to get bored. Haha.


So, onto the point of this post. What prompted me to start a blog in the first place.
My sister [17] is going to her first prom this year. I took her to a mall, bigger than the one in our town, about 45 minutes or so away. We had a great day, the three of us. [Myself, her and Chester] She tried on several dresses and picked her favorite, a beautiful, bright pink number, that showed some skin on her back. She looked like a barbie with her blond hair. Before leaving we stopped to eat at Johnny Rocket's [delicious] and changed a dirty diaper, then headed to the car. First, I'd like to say, I already have such a Mommy-brain. I sat my water on the top of my car, and forgot about it. When I drove away, I heard it fall. It scared the snot out of me and my sister. We then headed to Babies "R" Us, and carded the crap out of that place. [Carding is when we [intactivists] place circumcision information cards in baby stores, or baby areas of stores. Just the boy's and maternity sections though.] Afterwards, we stopped by the gas station to get a Pepsi, and were ready for the trek home. Of course after having a baby I've been more cautious and attentive on the roads. Not that I wasn't before, but I am more-so now. Everyone knows the left lane is for passing cars, and I was doing just that. I wasn't able to move into the right lane just quite, when it turned into a three lane. A huge Dodge truck was being very impatient and speeding like a maniac. He cut over to the far right lane, passed a few cars, and cut me off to get in my lane. He obviously did not like this so much. He break checked me [YES! On the highway where speeds are between 60 and 70mph]. This was the most terrifying experience of my life. Of course when I was going into labor, I couldn't imagine squeezing something that huge out. This was significantly worse than that, and a lot more painful. I was forced to pull off the road, and the jerk just flipped me off and drove on. Now, I have a Volkswagen Beetle. Could you imagine going about 65mph, having a Dodge Ram break checking you to the point of pulling off the road? He slowed down that much. Imagine if you will, my tiny Beetle slamming into the back of that Ram, and whatever car behind me, slamming into me. It would have turned out only one way, and that would have been three innocent lives lost in a horrific traffic accident. So there we were, sitting in my car, as others whistled past. I was HYSTERICAL, I couldn't believe what had just happened to me. First, I was pissed. I yelled out my window [which I knew wouldn't do anything] telling the idiot I had a baby in the car. Next, I bitched like anyone would do. Then finally; I cried hysterically, threw my seat belt off, stretched in the back seat -where my perfect baby boy was sleeping and cried, putting my face close to his. I kissed him and [half] hugged him [because the position was awkward] and sobbed. I told him how I loved him with all my heart, and how I promised I would keep him safe, with everything I have. After realizing we were still on the highway, I mustered up my strength and returned to my seat. Still sobbing, and now shaking, I had to sit a while longer. Finally, I was ready [for the most part] to get back onto the highway. I still felt ill, I don't know if I should have been driving. I felt sick to my stomach, and was having a panic attack. Unfortunately, my sister doesn't have her license, so I was forced to continue driving. Had we been closer to home, I could have seen myself letting her take the drivers seat. The whole way home, I took turns between sobbing, and being extremely pissed, yelling out profanity. The one thing that absolutely terrified me, was that if I hadn't been able to stop and pull to the side of the road, my husband would now be without me and his son. He would have lost all [except our dogs] of his family, and what for? Some asshole in a big truck thinking he owns the road, thinking everyone owes him something? How could you do that to someone. Even if he didn't know there was a baby in the car [I have a 'baby on board' sign] that's still something you shouldn't do. It put things into perspective for me though. I know now that people are selfish, and self-centered. Nobody cares about you or your family, except your own. Nobody cares for your well-being. If he had killed us because of a crash, would he feel guilty, or blame it on me. I know I couldn't carry that kind of guilt. It wouldn't have been a big deal, had it been just me. We're talking about a 4 month old, and a 17 year old. Both minors. If he had killed us, would he pay the price. Even if he did, he would still be allowed to say goodbye to his family, his friends. We wouldn't have had that chance to. This really opened up my eyes, and my heart. Knowing that in the blink of an eye, everything could be taken away. What would I have left the people in my life thinking. Would my family say I was a good daughter, sister, niece, granddaughter, mother, wife? What would my husband have said about me?
After the ordeal, all I want to do, is spend every available waking minute with my family. I want them all to know I love them with all my heart, and appreciate everything they do for me. If you're reading this, I love all  of you. I hope I show it as often as I should. To any one else reading this, hold your babies close. Show your loved ones you really do care. Life is too short to waste. I know I have a new appreciation for my family and friends.


-Katie